Exactly a week ago, I toasted to Heather Graham for choosing to wear this luxurious garment that just screamed “elegance and clearance hand jobs.” The next day, the dress was on a thing called Kristin Calawhateverthehellhernameis. I gave the dress a quick side-eye, but I realize that a bitch has to sell their ass to make ends meet IN THIS ECONOMY (All together now: We know, Michael. We know!) But now the dress has gone too far!
Last night, it was all over Horsey Montag! This hurts, because you know that cheap nasty skank didn’t even pay for the dress! The dress was doing it for free! I could understand if Horsey gave it an 8-ball and some milk, but you know that was not the case. Why didn’t it come to me? I would’ve turned it out and we could’ve worked the ho stroll together. $2 dolla taint licks!
Don’t be surprised if you turn on E! and see, True Hollywood Story: The Rise and Fall of Heather Graham’s dress.