Sometimes when you’re out boozing, one cocktail leads to another, which leads to a dozen more, which leads to you needing to go to the emergency room. You can’t say you’ve really partied until you’ve walked out of an ER with dried up vomit all over your clothes and one less vital organ in your body. This is what happened to John Mayer’s friend, Rob from MTV’s Rob & Big, this past Saturday in L.A. That’s what you get when you mix douchewater and Henny.
John had to drag Rob out of club MyHouse and shuttle his ass to the emergency room, because dude got the drunks in a serious way. A few hours later, John announced on his Twatter that Rob was going to live: “In triage at Cedars with @robdyrdek. When the contents of his stomach hit that silicon bag and we all saw it, we just broke into appluse.”
Appluse is douchetardian for “applause.” In case you were wondering.
John is really a true friend for taking his drunk as fuck friend to the emergency room and then clapping when Rob’s Alize and ribs-scented barf hit the bag. That’s what any good friend would do, but not every good drunk would agree to go. The last time a friend wanted to make to the hospital, I responded with, “Fuck that! I don’t have insurance, bitch! Take me to McDonald’s instead.” Eating a Filet-O-Fish while suffering from the drunk dry heaves is the quickest way to induce vomiting. Tried and tested. Trust this!