Too Close For Comfort

June 12, 2009 / Posted by:

Today is Jon & Kate’s 10th wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary, I guess?

While Jon was off trying to make his nuts grow back by sprinkling seeds and saliva from his mistress on his crotch area, Kate spent the day building a bouncy castle for her kids. Well, she also spent the day giving angry oral to a popsicle and almost flashing her “other” tortured beaver to the world. Meanwhile, a plastic bag from DICK’s laid down beside her. Kate Gosselin + her “other” beaver + angry oral + DICKS = self-castration. LIGHT BULB! So that’s what happened to Jon!

As much as I admire Kate for being the master cuntress of cuntness, I don’t want to think about her like that! In my mind, Kate doesn’t bother with dick. If a peen gets near her, she yells at it until it turns inside out and runs up into the stomach. This would explain why she’s such an enormous bitch.

Wait. Hold up. Am I saying that in order to be a cunt of epic proportions, you have to give up peen? Shits. I may have to think re-think my life’s purpose.

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