According to Congressman Steve Buyer of Indiana, smoking lettuce is just like smoking cigarettes. Why do I picture a strung out bunny and a whorey guinea pig sharing a lettuce joint in a back alley?
Good ole’ Steve’s theory got me thinking about smoking lettuce, so I decided to do some extensive research (aka a ten-second Google search) on the subject. I found this about iceberg lettuce:
When cut, the stems of lettuce plants ooze a milky juice whose appearance, taste, and smell are said to be similar to opium. Once dried, the substance is called lactucarium, or lettuce opium. Used by the ancient Egyptians, the stuff was listed in the Pharmacopeia of the United States of America as late as 1916. It can still be found in herbals and such, which describe it as a sedative and cough suppressant. Lettuce opium can be found in all lettuce species but is most commonly extracted from wild lettuce, Lactuca virosa.
Grab my salad spinner, we’re going lettuce huntin’! Do you think you can flavor your lettuce joints with different kinds of dressing?
Don’t be surprised if you see me on an episode of Intervention muttering to myself “fix fix gotta get my – lettuce – fix fix” while trolling the produce section of a grocery store.
And here’s some pictures of Amy Wino in St. Lucia yesterday, because I’m sure she tries to smoke every single thing she comes in contact with.