From Chastity To Chaz

Chastity Bono’s rep confirmed to TMZ that she’s in the process of becoming of a he. For those of you that had too many ‘tinis at lunch, let me put it bluntly: Chastity’s replacing her vag with a peen. We’re all clear now.

40-year-old Chastity starting making the change earlier this year. He’s just in the early stages.

My first question was what would Chastity change his name to? I was thinking Chace, Chad or maybe something completely different like Rex. Personally, if I was him I’d go by Tity. Well, I would’ve made people call me Tity a long time ago.

Anyway, Chastity is now Chaz. I wouldn’t have thought of that! It sounds like the name of keyboard player in an 80s new wave band. Or the name of the asshole jock with chunky blonde highlights in a John Hughes movie. I like.

Here’s the full statement from Chaz’s rep:

“Yes, it’s true — Chaz, after many years of consideration, has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity. He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect that has already been shown by his loved ones. It is Chaz’s hope that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue, just as his ‘coming out’ did nearly 20 years ago. We ask that the media respect Chaz’s privacy during this long process as he will not be doing any interviews at this time.”

What would Cher think? Seriously, I’m totally curious as to what Cher has to say about this. Wasn’t she kind of weird about Chaz becoming a gayelle? I’m sure she has known about this for a while, but I bet her face fell on the floor when Chaz first told her. Then the dog nibbled at it and they both had a big laugh.

And when you get a peen installed, do you get to choose the size? Because that’s a big deal. My advice to Chaz is not to get too carried away by getting an enormous one. Yeah, extra huge wangs look pretty, but they don’t always get the job done. Nothing is worse than a big limp dick that keeps poppin’out. Actually, a small limp dick is worse. Oh hell, go big! You only become a man once!