Bret Michaels Is No Liza Or Dolly

June 11, 2009 / Posted by:

Tuck your pussies in and grab your Valtrex, because we are all getting on the Rock of Love WAAAAAHMBULANCE.

Right after the hottest piece of scenery in the industry knocked Bret Michaels on his nasty ass at the Tony Awards, he sort of shrugged it off and said it really wasn’t a big deal. Now that he’s realized he can milk the shit out of this situation for attention, he’s crying a different story. Bret posted these pictures of his busted face on his MySpace along with a total STFU statement.

While we are clapping for whoever was responsible for bringing that set piece down on Bret, he’s blaming them. Bret said that he was neverinformed that the descending set piece existed, let alone would be moving into position as he was exiting the stage.” Bret was also pissed that a rep for the Tony Awards said Bret had missed his mark and that’s why he got laid out by a super hot piece of scenery (Is it obvious that I’m love with a set piece?). Bret moaned that the Tony people would have cared more if this happened to Dolly Parton, Liza or Elton John.

I think Bret’s weave-danna is on too tight. Liza and Dolly are LEGENDS! If a set piece fell on them, the world would stop and we’d all hold our breaths until we were told there wasn’t a scratch on them. Which there wouldn’t be, because they are both coated with some kind of scratch-proof substance.

Bret added that he doesn’t know how bad his injuries are until his x-rays come back. He must have gone to some back alley free clinic where it takes weeks for x-rays to be processed. Their idea of an x-ray is shining a really bright flash night on his injuries while some crackhead draws a picture of it with a Sharpie. Stupid ass.

Bret is such a wittle baby. The whores on Rock of Love who attempt to eat his asshole probably suffer worse injuries than that. Put a bag over your head and stop whining.

I love how even though he’s busted up he’s still giving us a “Sexy Can I?” face.


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