If you’ve got a penis, hide it in a bomb shelter or stick it in holy water, because Parasite Hilton is back on the prowl! Wonky’s mutant vag will be howling for fresh dick tonight, because she is no longer infecting that d-bag who used to be on The Hills. Wonky’s spokeswhore told People that the herpytale romance of our time is over!
“In response to the inquiry on whether Paris Hilton has split up with Doug Reinhardt, yes, this is true they are no longer together. They remain friends and ask that you please respect their privacy.”
Your genitals should have trembled after reading that, because they are scared. Hold them and tell them it’s going to be alright.
As for Doug, at least he’ll always have a piece of Wonky with him. When he looks down at his wart-covered wang and the nest Wonky’s crotch crustaceans built in his pube bush, he will be reminded of the beautiful moments they shared together.