This Has Given Me A Tuesday Afternoon Headache

Has Simon Cowell been drinking from Paula Abdul’s sippy cup, because that’s the only way to explain why he’s planning to remake Saturday Night Fever. It gets worse. Simon wants Zac Efron to play Tony Manero. It gets worserer (yes, I wrote worserer). Simon wants Timbaland to rework the Bee Gees’ soundtrack. This news gives you permission to get out of your chair, walk over to your office enemy, slap them and explain, “Simon Cowell is remaking Saturday Night Fever with Zac Efron as Tony.” They will understand, because you have to take your anger out on someone.

The Sun says that Simon has been working on the deal for years with producer Robert Stigwood, who owns the rights. During the last few weeks talks have gotten more intense and it looks like they are going to make a deal. And Satan laughs.

If Zac is the star, they are going to completely cover this shit with rainbows and sparklies. No rape scene. No racial tension. No drugs. No fuck words. No nekkidness. No hood rat stuff. And No DONNA PESCOW! This should be illegal. Illegal I tell you.

What’s next? Is Simon going to remake Gone with the Wind with Susan Boyle and her cat Pebbles. Actually, that would be kind of hot.