Brangie’s rep, Hermes, tells People that the story about them breaking up is “not true.” Yesterday, The National Enquirer said the holy union was officially over, but that they would keep up appearances for the sake of humanity. They know that the world would not survive their split. Every Brangaloonie would break out of their insane asylum and stampede the streets causing the Earth to crash into the sun. Brangie is carrying the future of civilization on their shoulders and they know this.
A source (aka a Brangaloonie with telephone privileges) also shot down the Enquirer’s story to UsWeekly, “They have their fights and moments, but generally things are good. They are happy — and Brad loves being a father!”
So they say they are still ruling the world with their powerful love, but why is it still raining here? Is God’s fax machine out of paper? Or maybe they really are over and he knows the truth. The tears from heaven don’t lie. Wait. Or maybe they are still together and THAT IS WHY he’s crying. Oh shit. That would be what they call a “twist and turn.”