Brit Brit’s Cheetolings Should Get Their Own Tour

June 4, 2009 / Posted by:

SPF and JJ are proving in the video above that they have what it takes to lip-synch the hell out of a song and wave their arms around just like their mama je’e’! And if you ask some hos, they do it even better. Dust off the Cheeto dust, shine them up and put them on stage! They are STARS!

The second leg of Brit Brit’s “Sedated & Loving It” world tour opened in London last night and some of critics did not drink the Kool-Aid. They didn’t even sip on that shit.

The Sun said, “A girl walking around, flicking her hair and miming to some average pop songs….. The choreography, dancers and set were top class but blonde Britters parading in her undercrackers was completely uninspiring. Madonna is twice her age and does double the dancing.

UNDERCRACKERS! Copy and pasting to the clipboard in my head.

The Telegraph called it a perfectly staged pop show, but also said, “Lipsynced, autotuned and double tracked, her vocals are as unashamedly pre-recorded as her backing tracks. Although there appear to be various balding middle-aged men bashing away in the orchestra pit, there are no actual musicians onstage, if you discount a dwarf and a bodybuilder miming guitar. This is as unabashedly fake as a diamanté crown.”

And this is what The Guardian had to say, “The costumes are pretty skimpy and there’s nowhere the set designers haven’t contrived to put a pole for her to gyrate around. And yet there’s something unsexy about all of it, possibly because there’s something weirdly characterless about the woman at its centre: you’d happily trade some of the special effects for the sense of Spears actually engaging with her audience rather than slickly going through the motions.”

What do they expect?! I know they want to see the kind of natural performance Brit Brit’s Cheetolings give, but it’s kind of hard to do that when you’ve got enough ludes in your system to even put Aretha Franklin’s magnificent chichis to sleep. Suck on a Cheeto, have some PURPLE DRANK and enjoy. You can cry later when the realization that you spent time on this shit sinks in.

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