Susan Boyle, the most famous person who ever lived, came in second on Britain’s Got Talent tonight. The dance group Diversity won the top prize! That might explain why your cat just started shaking uncontrollably and tore through the screen door. England is also on high alert, because the cats of the country are going to gather in the streets and screech until every window is broken.
Susan herself seemed to take it well on the outside. She did sort of a little sexy jig. If this singing thing doesn’t work out for her she definitely could have a career in burlesque. Better yet, she should join the Pussycat Dolls! She has the moves, the looks, the sexiness, the voice and she is the reigning Queen of Cats. It makes sense. Get out your pasties out, Susan!
Even though she was very gracous about coming in second, you know she ran backstage and starting biting off heads! They had to drag her away and now she’s quietly singing “I Dreamed a Dream” in her padded room. I’m telling jokes! The lovable teddy bear went home to hug her cat. Although, you know her cat packed up its shit and quit that bitch, because it knew momma was not going to happy.
Below is Susan’s final performance. Yes, she sang that Fantine song again. Even though she did do it better this time, I was hoping she would do something else like Snoop Dogg’s Sexual Seduction or Khia’s My Neck, My Back. Something like that! But this isn’t the last of Susan Boyle! She will continue her world domination. Viva SuBo!