You know Justin Gaston? He’s the panty model who gets paid to let Miley Cyrus nibble on his hair and braid his bushy brows with her tongue. Yeah, that one. Well, he had some kind of video interview with Details Magazine and this shit is beyond! This is what I imagine Christopher Guest’s dreams look like. I wasn’t even making out with my bong while watching this and I walked away feel like my tongue was going to fall out.
But you know Miley thinks he’s like the smartest man since Orville Redenbacher. Which he totally is! I mean, here’s a few quotes from the video that will make your brain twitch:
On who will play him in a movie:
“If Ashton Kutcher played me. Like, he would be a funnier me. He’s a pretty funny guy. But I’m going to say Johnny Depp, just cause I like Johnny Depp and we’re just going to get crazy, like. Like Johnny Depp’s going to play an older me. Like when I’m older. Cause he’s a really cool actor and then I’ll seem really cool.”
On who he would like to trade lives with:
“I’d like to be one of those lap dogs that just get petted all day. Cause they just have the best life. They wake up, they get fed and they get attention all the time. I like attention. I don’t like to be by myself, so I want to be one of those little dogs. Is that weird?”
Um. Isn’t he already like one of those little dogs? I bet Miley makes him crawl on all fours around the house with a pink ribbon in his hair. I would! I would also lay in his lap and stroke his brows while he tells me what’s hurting his purdy little brain. He’d tell me all about the white shirt he’s wearing that was woven by God himself and carried down by the angels.
And it gets better! Justin has Psalm 7:8 tattooed right above his butt cheek. It says: “Judge me, O Lord, according to my righteousness.” Justin explained it, “I don’t want to be judged—so I put it on my body in an attempt to become that bold.”
Dude is either as dumb as a butt plug or he is a comic genius! Actually, I’m pretty sure he’s both! I think I’m in love….