Brooke Shields Wishes She Would Have Given Up The Panty Sooner

May 26, 2009 / Posted by:

And now here’s a little nugget from the “Department of Things You Needed To Know In Order To Feel Complete As A Human Being.Brooke Shields told Health Magazine that she got her cherry plucked when she was 22. But Brooke didn’t stop there. She said that she wishes she would have served it up sooner, so that she could have put more miles on her vagina and avoided gaining chunk on her body. Yah, me iz confuseded 2.

When asked what her biggest health regret is, Kiefer Sutherland’s damsel in distress answered, “Not learning to love the way I looked earlier. And I think I would have had sex a lot earlier! [Laughs.] I think I would have lost my virginity earlier than I did at 22. I had the public and all this pressure, and I wish I had just gotten it over with in the beginning when it was sort of OK. I think I would have been much more in touch with myself. I think I wouldn’t have had issues with weight–I carried this protective 20 pounds [in college]. It was all connected. And to me, that’s a health regret.”

Brooke should teach sex and health edumucation to our youth! If you don’t want to be an insecure fat ass, add a little dick (or pussay) to your diet as soon as possible. Sounds about right to me. I must send Brooke a fruit basket as a thank you for giving me an answer to tell dumb hos who look at me with horrified eyes when they find out how old I was when I started slutting it up. Now I can say, “It was a health issue, okay! I would’ve DIED if I didn’t get dicked!” Which is actually kind of true.

But seriously, I know what this bitch is trying to say. I tink. Brooke was seen as a sex symbol at a young age, so she put on some weight so that dudes in college wouldn’t look at her as a big fuck stick? Right? It’s too early for this shit.

And didn’t Dean Cain break Brooke’s kryptonite wall when she was at Princeton? I think Brooke shouted that information to the world a while ago.

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