Last night in Los Angeles, Tommy Girl and his son Connor went to see something called the Lakers do something called basketball. Halfway through the game, Connor got a little upset. I know you’re thinking it’s because whatever team he was rooting for wasn’t winning, but that’s not it. Imagine sitting next to Tommy Girl while a bunch of muscly giant pieces of sweaty sex are bouncing around in front of him in silky shorts? Yup, Tommy’s Scientolohole just wouldn’t stop queefing and it was beginning to reek. GLIB. Connor forgot to remind his father to stick a butt plug in it before they go anywhere.
And somewhere in the world, Nicole Kidman is looking at these pictures and thinking to herself, “Hmm. I wonder who that handsome little man next to my ex-husband is? Did Will Smith shrink? Hmmm…”