Because we need her to come back and blow up Melrose Place all over again. This shit looks horrific and mainly because Asshole Simpson is in it. Someone please put a butt plug on her (not you, Papa Joe).
These are the first few stills from the new Melrose Place which will terrorize our TVs in the Fall on The CW. Spoiler alert! It will be canceled a week later. Naw. The CW doesn’t play that. They like to slowly torture us.
The cast includes: Stephanie Jacobsen, Colin Egglesfield, A Big Asshole, Shaun Sipos, Katie Cassidy, Michael Rady and Jessica Lucas. Sydney Andrews is in some of the stills below, but I don’t even think her brilliance can save this shit. I’m still going to jump into my bong and give it a shot.
And how long before Jessica Simpson has run out of yard sales to perform at and is forced to guest star on this mess?