Tales From The Cunt

May 19, 2009 / Posted by:

When Oprah was going to be on the cover of Vogue 10 years ago, Anna Wintour jump-started her broom and flew over to Chicago for a little chat. A chat about FAT to be exact.

In an unaired segment from her 60 Minutes interview from last Sunday, Anna said that she had to tell The Mighty O know that her ass was just way too chunkyfied for Vogue. Anna laughed about it, “It was a very gentle suggestion. I went to Chicago to visit Oprah, and I suggested that it might be an idea that she lose a little bit of weight. I said simply that you might feel more comfortable. She was a trooper! She totally welcomed the idea, and she went on a very stringent diet. And it was one of our most successful covers ever.

Only this crypt-keeping cunt could tell Oprah that she needed to drop some fat! I’m surprised everyone in the room didn’t shrivel down into little guppies, because they were so afraid of how Oprah was going to react. You know Gayle King probably jumped out the window, because she knew Oprah would take it out on her coochie later on. Oprah put a little bob wig on Gayle’s vagina and went at it! Poor thing hasn’t been the same since.

I’m surprised Anna just didn’t pounce on Oprah and devour her soul in one bite. Oprah could’ve lost at least 100lbs in seconds.

Anna also continued to offend in a LOLway by saying Minnesota is the land of fatty fatty bo batties who look like little houses, “I’d just been on a trip to Minnesota, where I can only kindly describe most of the people I saw as little houses. There’s such an epidemic of obesity in the United States, and for some reason, everybody focuses on anorexia. We need to spend money time and education on teaching people to eat, exercise and take care of themselves in a healthier way. It has gotten people provoked, which is really the point.”

Um. Anna, please don’t eat my soul, but somebody needs to teach you to eat REAL FOOD period! And I’ve never been to Minnesota, but it sounds pretty fucking charming. I mean, cute little houses walking around? That’s cute! Too bad one of those houses didn’t fall on the Wicked Witch of Vogue.

Wake me when Anna takes her comedy act on the road! Bitch knows how to bring the laughs.

VIA UsWeekly

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