John Mayer Is Smooth

May 14, 2009 / Posted by:

John Mayer really does have the perfect lines for picking up pussy. Jesse James (not the creepy hot piece married to Sandra Bullock, but some pop singer wannabe with dusty eyebrows) told WFAN Sports Radio (via Page Six) that she met John at some bar in Manhattan. John immediately zeroed in on Jesse and invited her and some other hos back to where the magic dies, his apartment.

Jesse said, “We were all hanging out and everyone started to gradually leave. It was just he and I at this point. I told him, ‘I need some taxi money, I’m gonna go home now.‘” Taxi money?! Jesse totally graduated from the School of Class and Tact, right? With honors! The last time I asked a fuck friend for money, I suddenly found myself on the street without taxi money and without my pants. Um. Earth to fucking Jesse! Every skilled ho knows you have to get the cash from his wallet while he’s taking a piss. Stupid amateur!

Anyway, Jesse gave John his number and he used it liberally, “He texted me throughout the entire night while I was at the hotel room, leaving messages like, ‘Let me tuck you in. I want to see you.'”

“Let me tuck you in” is doucheanese for “I want to ass-to-mouth you“, right? And you know Jesse totally let him.

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