Escandalo! Santo Dios! This is the magazine cover of my wildest dreams! The magazine is TVNotas and this week’s cover story is about a popular Catholic priest in Miami who is the co-star of a sex scandal. A sex scandal involving a woman. A woman with a real vagina. A woman with a real vagina who is over the age of 18. Yeah, some scandal. Cue my abuelita screaming SANTO DIOS because he wasn’t caught with an alter boy.
TVNotas published several pictures of sexy Father Alberto Cutié rolling around on Miami Beach with a lady back in February. Father Cutie (Amen to that!) is also known as “Father Oprah,” (no relation to White Oprah) because he writes a syndicated advice column and has hosted several talk shows. Shortly after the church found out about the pictures, they put his ass on leave.
A spokeswhore for the Archdiocese released this statement: “This is a difficult day for everyone in the Archdiocese of Miami. We pray for Father Alberto. The vow of celibacy really means there is a commitment outside the vow that stresses the focus on the holy order. The vow of celibacy is there for a reason. He’s on a prayerful journey. He’s still a priest, but he is on leave.”
Forgive me father, but celibacy sucks. Genitals are there for a reason. They’re meant to be played with. True fact.
Besides, I doubt Father Cutie was doing any sexy shit. He was merely blessing the woman and trying to get the evil out of her. He was slapping her with his crucifix and cleansing her with his holy water. Father Cutie was doing his job!
Source: AOL (Thanks Justin)