Somebody opened the cage door, let Lily Allen out, attached her to a booze bong and then her fucking rip on footballers and their wives. Now this is the Lily Allen that makes my no-heart beat. The Lily who loves the bottles and loves to slaughter dumb whores with her words. Apparently, Lily talked shit about Posh and Cheryl Cole to some French football magazine called SoFoot (via Metro). YES, get those skanks, Lily:
On Posh & Becks: “The Beckhams are sickening. Everyone knows Victoria is a monster. I’d rather shoot myself between the eyes than be a WAG.”
On Cheryl Cole: “She is just a bitch. She represents everything I hate. She is stupid, superficial and as ugly outside as inside.”
On Chery’s husband Ashley: “He is the worst, he disgusts me. He jumps on everything that moves. I am not criticizing just to criticize, but I have met him several times. He is revolting.”
On footballers in general: “It’s ridiculous, I hate it. Footballers aren’t there to show off in London, but to play football. Mind you, they are probably too stupid to understand that. Especially the English ones.”
This bitch! Now, I’m sure Posh has no idea who Lily Allen is. It’s impossible for Posh to acknowledge chicks who eats more than 1 meal a month and weigh more than a 3-month-old fetus. Does not compute.
Lily is like that aunt. You know. That aunt. The one who comes to family gatherings talking about how she’s not going to drink, because you know how she gets. And you DO, so you slip her a cranberry vodka and tell her you only put a drop of the good shit in it. An hour later, the ho is riding high on the drunk express and is letting the shit pour out of her like a backed-up toilet. She points at every ho in the room and says shit like, “That puta over will fuck anything! Don’t shake her hand or you’ll get diseased!” At one point, you have to escort her to the exit and say, “That was abuelita you were talking about.”