Kief Gets Charged

May 7, 2009 / Posted by:

Kiefer Sutherland skipped down to the 1st Precinct in Manhattan today to shoot the shit, have a cup of coffee with the cops, tell a few jokes and then get charged for headbutting a ho. In case you have no idea what I’m babbling about, let me give it to you quick. A few nights ago, Kief brought his head down on Jack McCullough’s nose at a bar in NYC. Apparently, Kief thought Jack bumped into Brooke Shields, so he was defending her honor or some shit. Brooke denies that Jack harmed her.

E! says that Kief was charged with one count of misdemeanor assault and will have to come back to NYC in about a month to face a judge. If he’s found guilty, Kief could get up to a year in the chokey and a $1,000 fine.

Kief is currently on probation over in Los Angeles and the LAPD said they are investigating as to whether or not he effed that shit up. If he did, he could get 10 months in the clink on top of the 7 weeks he already served for violating his probation.

Kief should really use the Christmas tree defense. It will work! The judge will understand, because every knows Christmas trees are evil. Everyone also knows that Kief is batshit crazy. But if everything doesn’t go Kief’s way, the bitch will be making grilled cheese on a prison radiator for a while.

In the meantime, if Kief wants to rock the booze bottle until the break of dawn, he should probably stay home and do that shit. It will be better for everyone. Boozin’ out in public doesn’t really agree with him.

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