Star Magazine is trying to knock St. Angie Jo’s sparkling halo off her head by claiming all sorts of scandalous shit in this week’s issue. I think Jennifer Aniston might have been guest editor this week. Keep the Susan Boyle of America on payroll, because this is the shit I like to see.
Star apparently squeezed the juice out of biographer Andrew Morton and Angie’s old bodyguard Mickey Brett. Both of them are planning to write tell-alls on the pristine holy family. Although, Mickey denied this a little while ago (Maddox got to him!).
Anymickeywillbestruckdownbytheendoftheweek, some of the shit Star alleges I’ve heard before. We’ve already heard zillions of stories about how St. Angie tried to destroy Jennifer Aniston. They really are the Alexis and Krystle of our time. And I think I read something about how St. Angie effed her mother’s boyfriend when she was a teenager. Who hasn’t done that? Yawn, moving along. But the one I really want to know about is which “female rock star” did Angie Jo hypnotize with her vagina of miracles? Mickey apparently knows all the details and is planning to unleash it to the world in his book.
My first thought was Joan Jett. And then my hand was suddenly filled with vomit. After I wiped that up, my second thought was Gwen Stefani. But I can’t picture her licking on hard clit. Then it hit me. VADGE! Now, I know she’s not really a “rock star,” but she would make sense. St. Angie Jo only seduced Vadge to keep her from monopolizing the baby buying game.
And if you’re wondering what St. Angie Jo’s hypnotic vagina and Vadge’s roidy-puss look like bumping into each other, just watch Godzilla vs. Hedorah.