Brooke In The Middle

May 5, 2009 / Posted by:

I’m just going to give it to you straight, because that’s what Jack Bauer would want. Kiefer Sutherland straight-up head butted Jack McCullough at SubMercer bar in NYC last night after the MET gala. Jack had to go to the hospital and wasn’t released until later today. Jack is one half of the design duo Proenza Schouler.

So why would Kiefer bring down his mighty head upon Jack’s nose?! Guest of a Guest says Kiefer was upset over Brooke Shields. YES, they fought over Brooke Shields. Booze, crack, heroin and massive amounts of delusion had to have been involved, because who fights over Brooke Shields anymore? Andre DeShields, ok. Brooke Langton, maybe. But Brooke Shields?!

Kiefer has a girlfriend. Brooke is married. Jack is gay. How did this happen?! My imagination can’t even travel to a possible reason for this, but I’ll try…..

Maybe the entire bar Kiefer consumed triggered an acid flashback which caused him to see Jack as that damn Christmas tree! You know, the one that’s always fucking with him. Kiefer thought it was back for more and he wasn’t about to let it get the last laugh, so he headbutted the bitch! Let’s relive the memories:

That’s really the only reasonable explanation for this, right? A taunting Christmas tree is Kiefer’s worst enemy.

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