Oh, Hoff!

So, this past Saturday, while you were guzzling down boxes of Franzia in between bites of a greasy ass cheeseburger while lounging topless on your kitchen floor, The Hoff was doing the same thing. Although, once again, The Hoff took the drunkery to a whole new level! Radar says The Hoff abused the booze bottle a little too much and checked out. According to their sources, The Hoff’s 16-year-old daughter Hayley, who has been down this fuckery before, found him unconscious in his Encino home.

Pamela Bach, The Hoff’s estranged ex-wife, drove over to his house after her daughter called for help. Pamela then drove The Hoff’s boozed and broken ass to Cedars-Sinai. Radar’s sauces (typo and it stays) say The Hoff was “barely breathing” and close to going off to the great big open bar in the sky before doctors got to him. The Hoff was registered with an alochol level of .39. This is his seventh time going to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. He was later released back into the wild.

Yesterday, The Hoff’s spokeswhore laughed off the story that he abused the sweet of nectar of the gods. She says the reports were totally exaggerated and The Hoff is doing fine. The Hoff’s lawyer tells TMZ that he thinks Pamela leaked the story to Radar.

Normally, my advice would be “use, don’t abuse,” but The Hoff needs to step away from the liquor cabinet completely. They aren’t friends anymore. Have a Crystal Light instead. I mean, a .39?! I know Wino hits that in her sleep, but most of our livers would have put up the white flag at .20.

And imagine that epic soul-killing hangover?! No amount of Emergen-C or Menduo could fix that.