Just What I Needed

May 4, 2009 / Posted by:

A little while ago, I woke up from a nap feeling the way Mickey Rourke’s face looks. I had a Theraflu-induced nightmare, so I was all disoriented and shit. Not to mention that my face looked like a penis after going to battle with Parasite Hilton’s toxic zone area. You know, cacaness, snot, smegma and loogies everywhere! So, I took a baby wipe to my face, opened my inbox and THERE IT WAS. This stunning picture! Suddenly, everything cleared up! I was healed. SAVED! Usually I pucker for eyebrows of the Sharpie variety, but this dude’s grizzly brows did things to me. It kind of looks like two wet beavers playing chicken on his forehead, right?

The funny thing is, the owner of these wondrous brows is Dr. Alan Hay of the World Influenza Center. He’s working on silencing all the oinks. Little does he know, that the cure is right above his very eyes. All you have to do is still a little piece of his miracle brow in your bong, smoke it and up all your ailments will be cured. Save us, Dr. Hay! Save us!

(Thanks Ryan)

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