The last time I got a jury duty notice in the mail, the phrase “LEAVE ME THE DICK ALONE” echoed in my head area for days. Why were they doing this to my life? Did I strangle a basket of fluffy baby bunnies or something? Why am I being punished? Why am I being forced to sit under fluorescent lighting with a group of grouchy ass hos who would rather be getting foosted by one of Fantasia’s hooves than be sitting there with me. WHY? WHY? WHY? And just when I was about to file a restraining order against the Unified Court System for stalking my ass, I decided to just tuck it in and go! Weak, right?
Well, Erik Slye of Montana was stronger than me. After he got a jury notice in the mail earlier this year, he sent this beautiful notarized love letter. Pure poetry:
Apparently you morons didn’t understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I’m not putting my family’s well-being at stake to participate in this crap. I don’t believe in our “justice” system and I don’t want to have a goddamn thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dog’s balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the F__K alone.
I love that after all that, he censored the fuck word. That just would’ve been too over the top, right? F__K, I love this dude. If there was a place to co-sign, my signature would be there. Unfortunately, court officials didn’t feel the same way. A judge threatened to throw his ass in jail and ordered that he show his face in court. When he did, Erik apologized . A judge didn’t cite him with anything and even excused him from jury duty. So in the end, it worked!
Now you know what to do next time you get one of those evil jury notices in the mail. Copy, paste and send!
Source: The Smoking Gun (There’s a bigger version of Erik’s work of art over there) (Thanks Tony)