People’s 100 Most Boring

People Magazine’s annual 100 Most Beautiful issue is out and they got it all wrong! That picture of Bea Arthur should be the entire cover. Actually, Bea should be on every single page, including the back. Okay, maybe not every single page. They could’ve devoted one page to Salma Hayek’s magnificent married chichis, but the rest should’ve been Bea. They also should have temporarily changed the name of the magazine to BEAPLE.

Instead of doing that, People put Kelly Bundy on the cover which really doesn’t bother me, but the rest of the 100 does. The list includes: Halle Berry (BORING), Carrie Underwears (BORINGER), Angelina Jolie (BORINGEST), Melissa Rycroft (BORINGESTER) and JLo (Are you asleep yet?). Seriously, that is like a big bowl of salad without the dressing or croutons. Or even Bac-Os. If they weren’t going to devote their lives to Bea this week, they should’ve at least filled the magazine with the truly most beautiful people in the world.

I mean, no Empress of Lucite, no Chicken Cutlets (and she really needs this right now), no Carrot Top, no Prince Hot Ginge, no Mah Boo and no Harvey Price?! How can you devote an entire magazine to beauty without any them in it? It’s criminal and it’s full of lies!