Jon Minus Nine
How awesome is it that Twit and Twat’s butt fuck wedding wasn’t the main cover story in UsWeekly! They were all ready to blow up the cover and hang it above their bed, so that they could jack to it every night. They’ve been trumped by Jon & Kate! Expect Horsey Montag to announce that she’s pregnant with the spawn of Satan in 3..2..
In the new issue of UsWeekly, they have pictures of Jon, the tortured husband from Jon and Kate Plus 8, leaving a club near his house at 2 in the morn with some trick. According to a source, Jon showed up to Legends Lounge at around 11:30 at night. A few hours later, he was spotted leaving with a woman. The source said Jon “could barely walk.”
Um, that’s because he doesn’t have a nutsack anymore. It’s been gilded and is hanging on Kate’s rearview mirror.
Jon was overheard telling the lady, “Hey, babe! Babe! Give me my jacket!” When he spotted the paps, he told her ass to get into the car and then they sped off into the night. ESCANDALO!
Jon tried his best to explain the whole thing to UsWeekly, “I went to Legends to speak to the owner. A friend of mine wanted to check out my car, so I let her drive it to her car. Yes, I have female friends — but that is all she is. I’m not going to end my friendships just because I’m on TV.”
“I let her drive it to her car” is code for “penis went into vagina“, right?
Just because he was seen leaving a club with another chick doesn’t mean they are doing illegal sex with each other. Jon probably hired her because he wants to know what it feels like to speak more than 2 sentences to another woman without her ripping his froat out with her bare teefs. Besides, Kate is never removing her claws from his no-nut area. She has a damn book to promote and 8 children to whore out. She can’t do it alone!
And what dumb ass ho would have an affair with a dude who has 8 kids? Wait, was OctoCrazy in Pennsylvania recently?