Who’s That Lady?

April 24, 2009 / Posted by:

Behold! The new face of Burberry! Kate Moss who?!

Susan Boyle, the greatest singer in da world (side-eye from Celine), already had her eyebrows pruned, plucked, prodded and pricked. But now she left a salon near her home in Scotland yesterday with freshly cut, dyed and styled hair. Eeeee GADS! Now, now. Before you hang a white sheet on the wall and record yourself in front of it screaming, “LEAVE SUSAN BOYLE ALOOOOOONE,” take a look at her. She’s the same spinster cat lady who eats porridge out of old yogurt cups and dresses up her feline friend as Fred Astaire so she can dance around the room with him. She’s still the Jennifer Aniston of Scotland!

It’s not like Susan looks like fucking Megan Fox or anything. If she ever starts stuffing her lips with vegetable oil or shoves silicone-filled Hefty bags in her booby area, then you can begin eating your hair in frustration.

With her new mop, she totally looks like this sweet librarian at my old elementary school who drove a banana yellow Datsun and always mistook me for a girl. Whenever I checked out a book, she would always say “Thank you, little miss!” At the time, it was the greatest compliment I ever did hear!

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