Jay Leno almost died today and had to be taken to the hospital. Not really, but he did have to go to the hospital for reasons only known by him and the ass specialist assigned to him. When hos go to the hospital and don’t say why, I figure it’s because they have the caca runs in an evil way. It would totally make sense with Jay. Jay is also being punished FOR THIS. The eyebrow gods bit him hard and cursed with the ‘rrea.
UsWeekly says Jay wasn’t feeling well earlier today, so he drove himself to the hospital in Burbank. He’s now resting at home, but tonight’s show has been axed. A repeat will air instead. You probably won’t even notice, but I will!
Jay was supposed to have that succulent chunk of maple syrup-covered Canadian bacon who goes by the name of Ryan Reynolds on tonight. I was all ready to sit through Jay’s yammering just so I could pinch at Ryan’s nipples on my screen, “I’m pinching yo nipples.”
Ryan was going to be on show to whore out that movie he’s doing with Sandra Bullock. The only thing I want to know is what percentage of the movie does Ryan have his tittays out? They should include that in the tagline on the poster, “The Proposal: With 85% Ryan Reynolds titty action.” That’s how you sell tickets.