Last month, the big-tittied frog shamed herself even more as the opening act on Rascal Flatt’s tour. Jessica Simpson celebrated the end of
her career the tour by diving head first in the booze bottle and not coming out. This has her boyfriend, Tony Romo Ribs, all angry-like and shit.
A source told The National Enquirer, “Tony is fed up. She’s been pressuring him to marry her and have children, but he’s giving her a firm ‘no’ until she cleans up her act. Tony won’t even consider moving forward with Jess until she cuts back on partying.”
That’s gross. I don’t care how good a dude can dick you, if he says “It’s either me or the bo-,” drop the peen and proceed to the nearest exit. If it starts with a BO and he’s making you give it up, that’s not a good thing. It could be booze, Boones Farms, boobs, bongs, Booty Call (Vivica’s finest work), etc…. You should not stick around to find out what he’s making you quit!
Although, Jessica’s career is the Mother’s Circus Animal Cookie that has been rotting under my refrigerator for the past 6-months, so maybe she should tell Tony’s she’s off the sweet nectar and marry him to get her greasy hands on his cash. She could always fill a Listerine bottle with whiskey and chug it whenever Tony’s got his head turned. Money before booze. Papa Joe would give me a (click only if you want to cream your panties) TITTY DANCE for writing that. And then I’d have to call the authorities.