HoHan is making up for lost times. Now that HoHan has put her pussy poundin’ ways behind her for now, she’s trying to stuff as much dick into her firecrotch as possible. That’s what friends tell Page Six anyway. Since HoHan and SamRo are no longer partners in pussy, she has been sliding up to wang every night.
One friend said HoHan has been regularly talking to Kellan Lutz from Twilight and 90210. Last time I cared, Kellan was rubbing taints with AnnaLynne McCord. But Kellan isn’t the only piece HoHan is up on. Friends also say she’s two Cheeto steps closer in becoming the new old Brit Brit Spears, because she’s been hanging out with 41-year-old British pap Chris Jepson. Last week, the two went into a bathroom together at a party and didn’t come out for a while.
I’m sure they were just discussing the important works of ABBA while dusting each other’s noses off with a little fairy dust, because Chris Jepson is a card carrying member of the Big ‘Mo Club. Take a gander at Chris’ MySpace. That is a dude who loves a warm peen lying against his nipple in the morning. The only thing HoHan was probably sucking up on Chris was a line off his titty cleavage.
HoHan needs some salchicha in her life, but not the kind that goes weepy after it busts. She needs the kind that’s best served with some chili and melted Velveeta. Bitch needs to eat a salchicha in a bad way. Shit, throw a stuffed pancake on it! HoHan is the spitting image of Nancy, a straggly neighborhood alley cat who would lick an ass for a fish head. I’ve tried to save Nancy before, but she’s a pussy of the streets and wants to stay that way.
Here’s HoHan with The Curious Case of Ali Lohan buying eyeglasses or some shit. Good, maybe HoHan will put on her new eyeglasses, take a hard look in the mirror and realize she needs to do something fast before her only offer is to headline a donkey show in Tijuana.