Blohan’s Big Comeback!

April 21, 2009 / Posted by:

I’ve made jokes about how Blohan will soon have to shake her freckled coke bag tittays for an 8-ball and now it looks like she actually might have to. Juggle them chichis for some sugar!

Over the weekend, Blohan went to the opening night of Peepshow, an ass and titty show in Las Vegas starring Scary Spice and Kelly Monaco. Fox News says Blohan was there to meet with the show’s creator Jerry Mitchell about possibly replacing Kelly Monaco in three-months. One source said Blohan can’t wait, because she really is a triple threat. She’s a triple threat alright! Bitch is a master snorter, sucker and blower. Blohan thinks that doing the show will give her theater cred. Yeah, because learning how to do figure eights with nipple tassles while thrusting your pussay bone is really going to convince Broadway producers to cast her as Nora in A Doll’s House. Stick that on your resume under “other talents.

The saddest and most hilarious part is that Blohan has to compete against Holly Madison and Brooke Burke for the role! That hurts like a dick after daggering. Next stop: pushing racks of clothes as an extra on The City!

You know, maybe this isn’t such a bad idea. I mean, not only is Las Vegas the perfect place for a cokey-brained booze-slut, but one of my idols in life, Nomi Malone, went from truck stop prostitute to titty star and it worked out so well for her. Blohan is totally the new Nomi Malone! “Different places!”

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77 responses to “Blohan’s Big Comeback!”

  1. Sheeps says:

    Submitted by islandgirl on Tue, 04/21/2009 – 9:42am.

    Is that a goof? It reads like The Onion. I liked the “broken todger upswing” in the headline, too.

  2. Rishkin says:

    Submitted by Sheeps on Tue, 04/21/2009 – 9:38am.
    Make sure you read the daggering link, esply the quote from the Jamaican man. I doubt you can break your dick-bone unless it’s hard.

    __________________

    Did you watch the videos…hahaha!..eew!

    _________________________________________♥

  3. FritoDorito says:

    I just googled Brooke Burke and that chick is HOT. I don’t see how Blohan or Holly Madison could compete with her.
    =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    “This is why I beat hookers” – Tig from Sons of Anarchy

  4. letinstar says:

    clearly lilo’s career is taking a major dive…
    i’m shocked lilo allowed herself to photo’d next to scary spice, what with her being black and all…
    _____________________________________________
    you see me, bitch….

  5. FritoDorito says:

    Submitted by ricki lake on Tue, 04/21/2009 – 9:45am.
    =-=-=-=-=
    I’d rather Blohan get no job at all.
    =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
    “This is why I beat hookers” – Tig from Sons of Anarchy

  6. Sheeps says:

    Submitted by Rishkin on Tue, 04/21/2009 – 9:46am.
    Did you watch the videos…hahaha!..eew!

    Holy crap!! Let’s see, proms start in a month or so….

  7. FilthyBitch says:

    Brooke Burke is out – she posted this:

    Putting out lots of fires today. The Vegas opportunity is not happening. Sad. Hopefully another door will open. I believe in that.5:54 PM Apr 13th from Tweetie

    So I guess it’s between Holly Madison and Lindsay.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/montag/

  8. Green Is Good says:

    All that “research” Blohan did for I Know Who Killed Me is paying off!

  9. MrsRobbieWilliams says:

    What’s most bothersome is I wish Linsday and Scary would switch shoes! Clearly the blue matches Linsday’s whorebag outfit and the snakeskin matches Scary. Seriously, do I need to play stylist now??

    __________________________________________

    “Get up and see the sarcasm in my eyes…” -Robbie Williams

  10. Ophelias evil twin says:

    She can still hope they do a Showgirls 2. Start practicing licking the pole…

  11. CRAZY says:

    oh c’mon , more useless shit about more usless bitches!

    ************************
    “I’m in the Dark here!!!”

  12. ricki lake says:

    No way, the shoes should stay where they are. Scary Spice would look so bland and gross and matchy-matchy in head-to-toe beige, although Lindsay could get away with wearing the turquoise shoes with her dress.

    Scary looks so weird in that picture, though. Is it just me or has she lost like, 50 pounds? She looks gaunt and…erm…scary, lol.

  13. dramaqueen365247 says:

    I’m sure Blohan will get it. Think about it: Who’s the bigger draw? Some docile Valley of the Dolls look-alike or some batshit crazy drug addict who’s totally unpredictable? Personally, I wouldn’t go to see either of them, but people love train wrecks. Think about how we’ve all been wishing Shitney would break free from Papa & bring back the pink wig & the “British” accent!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “So? I’m intellectual and stuff.”
    “You’re flunking English. That’s your mother tongue, and stuff.”

  14. carefreea says:

    Shame.

    Where would one get Mel B’s shoes? They’re lovely.

    ********

    Well I like Colin. I’d let him jizz on my tattas anyday. – UKer.

  15. Momus the Sarcastic says:

    Didn’t she already try the stripper stuff in a shitaceous movie that had a very short release and went into the DVD bargain bin?

    ************************************************
    “Oderint dum metuant.” Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (aka Caligula)
    ************************************************

  16. shut the smurf up says:

    Teather cred? LOL Dancing on poles does not count as teather experience

    He Dicho! caso cerrado!!

  17. snowpiece says:

    Scary Spice! I thought it was Basement Baby!
    ****************************
    “This is MK. He started it” angel_i
    “Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi”
    WATCH THIS:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related

  18. Stan Hooper says:

    I think I see Lindsey’s new gal pal! Everyone knows Mel B plays with the girls in the back yard.
    =========

    Third test today, Mama Bear. Your eggo is preggo, no doubt about it. — Rainn Wilson in Juno

    Expecting my third in October.

  19. DR.FUNK says:

    Not gonna happen.She’d have to start eating right & training hard.(Mel B’s body is just outstanding!)She’d also have to actually show up for work on time.

  20. snowpiece says:

    how long before she starts switching panties with strippers?
    ****************************
    “This is MK. He started it” angel_i
    “Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi”
    WATCH THIS:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related

  21. DeeDee says:

    Lindsay’s future of truck-stop hooker is slowly coming to fruition.

    And WTF?!?! Daggering? The shit I learn on Dlisted.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Wolf Like Me

  22. Dallas says:

    God help us all! Prive nightclub management outed Lohan saying that she was drinking Vodka at the club while there with Mel B. It is about time someone outed her……….time for rehab Lohan. This time, pay fucking attention!

  23. Deb says:

    Ever notice that the only time Blohan is remotely interested in working out is when she’s in rehab?

    “JUST SMILE LIKE A NORMAL FUCKED UP PERSON.”
    Charles Manson

  24. snowpiece says:

    Look at her fucking knees. Lindsey, you stupid whore, if you have a line of self tanners at least get your freaking oompah loompah tan to look half decent!

    ****************************
    “This is MK. He started it” angel_i
    “Liberache, Versace, Coocarachi”
    WATCH THIS:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRNpPSUMqKA&feature=related

  25. NYone says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA .. WE CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON LINDSAY

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