The Cougar premiered a few days ago on TVLand, but last night I was drunk and stoned enough to venture into the den! Let me just say, this shit makes The Bachelor look like caviar on a silver spoon. It is such a piece of low-budget trash! The whole thing looks like it was paid for with a handful of McDonald’s Monopoly tokens and a gift certificate to Master Cuts. I bet they didn’t even pay to film in that mansion! They just crashed an open house. Anyway, this shit is under the fucking barrel.
The grossest part of the whole show is the elimination ceremony. Vivica Fox, who only signed up for this mess after producers promised they would track down her hairline, announces to the group of dicktards that if “The Cougar” gives them her lips, they are safe, if she gives them her cheek, they have to go home. Seriously, they can’t even afford roses, so they pass out the herp instead! You know I’m not a prude, but this shit is kind of disgusting. You’re not supposed to use your lips during orgies! Couldn’t she put on a rubber glove and give them a handjob instead? That would be more sanitary. This shit must be sponsored by Abreva. Clip above.