The closest I came to ever owning a Beanie Baby is when my mom brought home a bogus one she bought at the Swap Meet. I think it was called a “Bean Child” or something. My mother thought it was the real deal, but thankfully it was not. There’s no way I ever wanted any of those evil demon creatures in my house. I even knew then they were whoring it out for the devil! Beanie Babies were obviously Satan’s minions, because bitches would skin each alive for one! I went to one wedding where the bride had them in her bouquet. Were they filled with crack?! Or the crumbs of Mother’s Circus Animal Cookies? I don’t get it! People became Beanie-matized! I bet you some hos sold their ass for Beanie Babies! Don’t let their little cutesy faces fool you. They were pure EVIL!
Above is a little video confirming my claims. Beanie obsession affected all walks of life, even creepy child touchers in Hawaiian shirts.
VIA Giggle Sugar