This piece of Orange Sesame Chicken that was left under the heat lamp too long is really sad-like, because she got d-d-d-d-d-umped and instead of going to talk to a mental health professional inside of a rehab clinic, she’s yapping to UsWeekly! Hey, they are the next best thing.
In an interview that sounds like it was written by piecing together Facebook statuses, Blohan says she is “humiliated” and in “absolute hell” after SamRo quit her ass last Friday. Hum. “Humiliated” and “in absolutely hell” is the same way I felt after watching I Know Who Killed Me.
The night SamRo broke up with Blo was also the same night she hired five security guards to keep her out of a JCPenney party. Blohan says it was the worst night of her life. Blo went on chirp, “I‘m not a bad person and this is what happens. “I was raised to treat people well, and I’m so tired of this drama. Everyone’s turned on me.”
By “everyone“, Blo means Nicole Richie and Drea de Matteo (aka Ade from The Sopranos). The night of the JCPenney party (I love that it all went down at an event for Penney’s), Nicole said “UCK” when Blohan walked by and Drea said “Come at me, bitch!” AHAHAHAHAHAHA! When a bitch from fucking Joey and a skank troll who is famous for nothing thinks they are hotter shit than you, it’s time to pack up your Toyota Tercel and drive far far far away from Hollywood. There’s a commune in Montana with Blo’s name on it. COME AT ME, BITCH! Drea has been watching a lot of Vh1! What else does she have to do?
Blo said that night felt like Mean Girls all over again, “I’m a fucking 22-year-old girl who’s in love. I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie.” But was Blohan wearing hoop earrings?! Because that’s Regina’s thing. She better not have been wearing hoop earrings.
UsWeekly asked Blo about the rumors that she threatened to kill herself after she got dumped, Blo laughed it off, “I’m just really hurt! The whole situation is sick.”
You know what’s sick? The fact that she’s pouring her cokey-covered emotions to a fucking celebrity magazine! This is what happens when you snort your career away and have a crack pipe for a mother! Boo fucking hoo. Blo just needs to have a little conversation with Drew Barrymore, because she’s already been to that rodeo. And then she needs to kick her mother in the crotch bone for pushing her ass down this road.
Come at me, BITCH!