Being Suri Cruise Is Exhausting

April 8, 2009 / Posted by:

Suri Cruise is already forced to spend hours working the famorewhore stroll with her weepy-bot mother, but that shit only consumes a small part of her week. The rest of the week is filled with lessons! French lessons, Spanish lessons, ballet lessons, tap lessons, jazz lessons and modern dance lessons! Lessons, Mr. Moss! That’s what The National Enquirer says anyway.

A source said Tommy Girl has spent $1 million on lessons so Suri can be the best. It’s his “little troll trying to compensate” syndrome acting up again. The source said, “It doesn’t matter what Suri is doing, Tom wants her to be able to do it better than any other child. All parents think their kids are special, but Tom and Katie firmly believe Suri is gifted. She is learning French and Spanish and has a tutor she sees once a week. Suri has shown a real love of dancing, so Tom and Katie are encouraging her as much as possible. She practices ballet, tap and modern dance for hours, nearly every day. She also has private gymnastics lessons and is learning soccer. Katie likes to have Victoria and David Beckham’s sons around, since they are older. She thinks Suri will emulate what they do and learn even faster.”

Damn. When does she have time to drink?! Seriously, I bet Tommy makes Suri takes all her lessons privately so the peon children won’t taint her!

$1 million is also the amount of money Suri is going to need to pay for all the therapy and anti-depressants she will need in about 10 years. Oh, did I say anti-depressants? I didn’t mean that. I’m just being glib.

VIA Showbiz Spy

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