Sydney Has HER Michael Back

April 7, 2009 / Posted by:

The CW already announced that their shit-covered redo of Melrose Place is less shittier, because Sydney Andrews has risen from the dead and joined the cast. Now another original bitch has crawled out from under their rock to join this mess. The bill collectors can finally scratch Thomas Calabro’s name off their list, because People says he will return to the new MP as Dr. Michael Mancini. In the wise words of Gary Coleman, “The mortgage is due every month.”

In the new MP, Dr. Mancini is the father of David Patterson, one of the main whores. The pilot episode is expected to shoot next week.

The CW is finally doing things right! So, now that Sydney and Michael are back, they’re going to need a bitch to terrorize. Jane Mancini, you and your bowl cut are needed. And how can you have Michael without some Kimberly?! You can’t! So they will have to make room for her too. Oh and Sexy Lexi too. And Amanda. And Dr. Peter. And Rhonda. And Megan. And Jake. And basically everybody! Fuck, The CW should just change Melrose Place into a retirement community and move all the old whores back in! Keep the Depends well stocked and the Metamucil flowin’! It’s the only way this mess will work.

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