Nothing Says “I Love You” Like A Restraining Order

April 7, 2009 / Posted by:

Blohan confirmed that her cokey-tale romance with SamRo has dried up for now. Blohan said she wants to focus on herself. If she focused on herself even more she’d turn into a pussy pimple version of White Oprah, so that’s not something I’d recommend.

Anyway, while Blo is “focusing on herself,” the Ronsons are focusing to keep the crazy out of their lives. OK! Magazine says that yesterday evening SamRo’s family went down to the Beverly Hills police station to ask about getting a restraining order against Blo.

Charlotte, SamRo’s sister, apparently told the cops, “She was trying to get into my party this weekend. We had to tell security to keep her out. Then she booked a room at the Chateau Marmont. Her room was right below… She also followed our brother Mark around.”

SamRo’s mama je’e added in a really dramatic voice, “Lindsay was doing drugs. And we could not sleep that night at the Chateau. She was complaining about the music and noise coming from upstairs. She was trying to get attention, so that Sam could come down. She cuts herself too. She is a cutter! (insert swelling and dramatic violin music here)

The Ronsons were told that they had to go down to the court to petition for a restraining order.

It’s all fun and cokey until someone turns into a pink-wig-wearing Brit Brit. If White Oprah and Michael Lohan pulled their heads out of their own fat pussies, they could probably handle this bitch Intervention-style. Blo needs the calm voice of Candy Finnigan to tell her to wipe the white shit off her ass and get to detox before she turns into…well…into her own fucking mother. But that’s not going to happen, so I guess we’ll have to wait until scientists build a fucking time machine to take Blohan back to her Mean Girls days. And…SHE IS A CUTTER!!!!

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