Breathless Mahoney Wore It Better

April 6, 2009 / Posted by:

Nicole Kidman showed up to the Academy of Country Music Awards with her wee little calico kitty-haired husband and wearing one of Breathless Mahoney’s old ones. While Nicole decided to wear something old, she also wore something new. I’m talking about her lips. Did she stuff those things with even more generic-brand vegetable oil?! I know her lips usually look like Michelle Duggar’s labia lips after a Brazilian wax, but this shit has gone too far. Nicole’s lips are looking like two overstuffed pieces of sausage that were boiled too long and started to split. Nicole just can’t let go of Tommy Girl, because I bet he has a matching pair on his Scientolohole.

For the first time in a long time, I don’t have the sudden urge to throw Nicole’s face back and forth with a friend in the park, so that’s a good thing. It still doesn’t move, but I spot one wrinkle, so she’s making improvement. Lastly, let’s talk about that hair. THAT HAIR! It needs a bowl of Werther’s Originals on top, because that shit is memaw-approved. That gerartric mop screams “Mah social security check is late!”

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >