Trista and Ryan, the mannequins made in the ABC Bachelorette Factory, had a baby child in Colorado yesterday. Their second baby child is female and they named her Blakesley Grace Sutter. No, I didn’t drunk type that shit. They really named her Blakesley. I can’t pronounce that shit without spraying my screen with jizz discharge. I’m guessing one of those dumb whores wanted Blake and the other skank really wanted Chelsy, so they married the two together. Those two pieces of boiled turnip probably thought it was so fucking ingenious.
Blakesley sounds like the name of a department store in the Midwest that is known for their extensive collection of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans as well as for their side-eye giving salespeople. It’s Trista and Ryan’s way of trying to be oh-so-different. Trista, stick to wearing red underwear on Sundays as a way to spice up your boring life and leave your child out of it!
Trista also felt like she should tell Life & Style that Blakesley will be her last child, because she’s getting the Essure permanent birth control procedure. Damn! How many coins did Essure drop in Trista’s purse to plug their asses? OctoMommy would be proud.
While she’s at it, Trista should also get the STFU permanent procedure on her mouth.