Twitter Saves Lives

April 3, 2009 / Posted by:

Demi Moore’s head is like powered by Twitter or something. The ho lives, breathes, eats, sexes, farts, queefs, cacas Twitter. Twitter all day and night for Demi Moore. She’s like the queen of Twitter, so it makes sense that a lady would cry for help to Demi. Last night, the lady sent that message above to Demi.

Demi immediately re-posted that shit on her own Twitter which made some of her ten million followers call the po po in San Jose. The woman left another message saying “gbye…gonna kill myself now.”

The San Jose Police Department said they received a ton of calls from whores all around asking them to look into the possible suicide. The police found the lady and said she had not hurt herself. They took her in to “get evaluated.”

After Demi found out the woman was psychically fine, she wrote: “Thanks everyone for reaching out to the San Jose PD i am told they are aware and no need to call anymore. I do not know this woman. I am inspired by the enormous response of humanity here and thank you… It is my understanding that the situation was not a joke and that through the collective efforts here action was taken to provide help!”

SEE! Twitter saves lives. So the next time your kid pesters you about not feeding him for the past four days because you’ve been too busy with your Twitty friends, just shoo him away and snap, “I’m saving lives here!” Actually, just Twitter it to him. He’ll get it eventually. Once he does, he’ll completely understand and will shuffle off into the corner to chew on the baseboard for protein.

VIA Access Hollywood

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