Mah Pappy Is Holdin’ Me Prisonah!

April 2, 2009 / Posted by:

All the coockoorochas (as my mom calls them) from Brit Brit’s past life were back in court yesterday to deal with the restraining order against Sam Lutfi. They all had to get on the stand and say a bunch of words to convince the judge to either cancel or extend the order. During the hearing, Sam’s lawyer John Anderson, told the court that the Cheetoling feels like she’s in prison and that Daddy Spears is giving her emotional distress.

If that’s fucking prison, then handcuff me to Daddy Spears, search my cavity (you might find that sock you lost in the wash last week) and lead me to the land where a pot of Velveeta grits is cooking on the 24! You can’t get that kind of deliciousness in real prison. And if you did, a bitch cut your face with a shank for it. Brit Brit needs to turn off My Big Redneck Wedding and watch more Bad Girls. Then she’ll be schooled on what real prison is like!

In a super surprising move (slap me with your eye roll), Brit’s lawyer testified that her client didn’t want to be anywhere near Sam Lutfi and his caca-eating face. When Brit tried to get away from him, Sam threatened that he’d release some scandalous shit about her daddy. I’m guessing the “scandalous shit” involves Daddy Spears’ peen in a bowl of grits while wearing Brit’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time” outfit. That’s not so shocking. Not when it’s done by a Spears anyway.

Brit’s lawyer went on to tell the court that a voicemail going around isn’t Brit Brit, but she believes that it’s really the voice of Angelica Pickles from Rugrats. That bitch was always jealous of Brit. No, Brit’s lawyer said she thinks the voicemail is a falsity and isn’t her client’s voice.

The court will hear closing argument in the neverending restraining order dramaaaaa on April 21st. The STAY THE FUCK AWAY order against Sam has been extended until then. And in sad sad sad sad sad news, Dollhouse Dude did not attend yesterday’s hearing. I should take that as a sign. I mean, when Dollhouse Dude stops giving a dick about this shit…..

Source: USWeekly

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