Barf Bags Not Included

A few years ago, Rosie O called Starlet Jones “delusional” because of that whole “dieting and Pilates” lie. Star’s constipated trout face finally admitted she had her stomach cinched and sealed. Well, it looks like it’s all fat water under the band now, because Rosie and Gay Al’s former enema bottle holder have teamed up in the name of charity.

UsWeekly says both Rosie and Star will have lunch with the highest bidder. All cash monies from the auction will go towards the Figure Skating in Harlem charity.

Yes, lunch. How in Barbara Walters lisp Hell are you supposed to eat food things with a Star on one side and a Rosie on the other. Do you also win an hour with a gastroenterologist, because your stomach will be on the wrong side of fucked up after that lunch. On second thought, Rosie O wouldn’t be so bad. I’d ask her to tell me stories about Babwa pee peeing on herself during meetings while I nibbled on my salad croutons. Then we’d crank call Hasselcrack and pretend to be Dubya. She would totally have phone fucky times with us. Okay, that would good.

But Star?! How are you supposed to swallow successfully when you’ve got that face looking back at you?! And you know she’ll stare at your food with those hongray eyes that make you want to call a priest or 911 or something. I’d rather eat my meal off of a truck stop urinal cake than dine with that bitch. Although, I would like to ask her if the rumor about Gay Al taking three wangs in his glazed donut hole at one time is true. If it is, I need the blueprint on that shit.