R.I.P. Guiding Light

April 1, 2009 / Posted by:

I’ll admit that I never watched one second of Guiding Light, but this still hurts, because soap operas aren’t supposed to die. They are supposed to live on forever and ever! They are supposed to grow old with that box of baking soda you keep open in the back of your fridge. Seriously, why don’t whores throw those out?

CBS announced today that after 72 years, 15 years on radio and 57 on TV, Guiding Light will play its last episode on September 18th. The big whore at CBS didn’t give any reason on why Guiding Light was being snuffed out, but you know what they are going to blame it on….. THE ECONOMY! It’s everyone’s favorite fucking fall guy.

Now that Guiding Light has been taken out back and put down, what does this mean for the others?! Does my precious One Life to Live need to sleep with a shank under its bed, because it might be next? And then when they finish with the soaps, are they going to come for the court shows? NOT THE COURT SHOWS! I don’t like where this is going. I will pop a bitch’s eye with my teefs if they touch the court shows. That’s how I get my daily dose of “smart TV.

And again, I never watched Guiding Light, but I still want to laminate that montage above and use it as a placemat. That’s how I know my brain is still stuck in the 2nd grade. It wants to laminate all photo montages!

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