Go Andre Go!

March 31, 2009 / Posted by:

Andre 3000 should change his name to Andre 3000mph (womp womp), because he was arrested in Georgia on Saturday for getting a little too excited with his gas pedal. All Hip Hop says Andre was speeding down a highway outside of Atlanta in his Porsche and he might have been trying to travel through time or some shit, because bitch was going 109mph in a 65mph zone! And no, he didn’t tell the police he was rushing home to get his dick sucked ala Charles Barkley.

Andre was arrested because police said driving that fast is an accident waiting to happen. He was put in handcuffs, shuttled down to the station, booked, had his glamour shot taken and then was released on $1,200 bail.

109mph?! Don’t try this at home, but when I was 16 and stupider than I am now (hard to imagine, right?), I decided to see how fast my janky ass Mitsubishi Mirage would go on the freeway. When I got to around 95mph, this little ass bitch was heaving and about to collapse. I thought the doors were going to come flying off and the tires were going to collapse. It’s like my car just left rehearsals from Dancing with the Has-Beens. If I would’ve pulled an Andre by hitting 109mph, that car would’ve quit this bitch! The motor would’ve straight up, opened the hood up and jumped out!

And Andre gets 1 out of 10 stars for that boring ass mug shot. Give us something! Although, his mole is trying to give us a little something. It’s speaking to me.

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