DWTS: The End Of The Woz?

March 31, 2009 / Posted by:

I fear that the true star of Wobbling with The Woz will be thrown over his Segway and sent back to the land where you don’t have to take more than two steps and you can eat Twinkies all day. No, not my apartment, The Woz’s house! Last night, he attempted to do the Tango, but it looked more like Karina Smirnoff Ice grinding up against the wood bear that guards High Sierra Territory at Six Flags Magic Mountain. But The Woz was trying, you could tell by the pained look on his face. It’s the same look I get when I’m standing in a crowded elevator clenching my ass cheeks because the biggest fart in the history of farts is about to drop. The Woz didn’t even to try let it seep out slowly, he just kept it all in. I care so much about him that I even stopped devouring a bowl of frozen Mother’s Circus Animal Cookies and picked up the phone to vote for him. That is love. Woz love.

But I’m afraid it’s not enough and the Pepaw Care Bear will get the red light tonight. Since it’s a double execution, my other guess is that Holly Madison will get the second bullet. I bet you that tramp will giggle when they hand down her sentence. Why was that whore giggling like someone was tickling her taint during judging?! The judges could’ve said, “You’re a virgin who can’t drive,” and she would’ve kept on giggling. Did the soul of a Japanese school girl jump into her skank body?! Or did all that peroxide kill most of her brain cells, so all she knows how to do is HEHEHEHEHEHE.

Nobody was giggling when my arch rival CHERYL BURKE took to the dancefloor with that hot ripe sausage known as Gilles Marini. I can’t even tell you how grossed out I was over this ham fucking bullshit. I would rather watch Gilles ass fuck an obese pigeon than watch this again. When she said to him, “Pretend you’re in love with me,” I wanted to put my peen in a PEEN-INI (get it? HA!) maker and press down to the stop pain CHERYL BURKE was inflicting upon me. I can’t believe there was a dry mouth in the house, because my vomit would have flooded that joint. The judges actually gave them a 30! This shit is fixed. She’s always fucking winning. Not fair. Is Mop & Glo a main sponsor?! FIXED I tell you! If you can stomach it, the clip is below.

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