Drunks Are Smart!

Building a motorized bar stool (with a wheelie bar!!) seems like a genius idea. You just get on, go to the bar, drive inside, booze your troubles away and then head on home. Your lazy ass doesn’t even need to move off the seat! That’s what 28-year-old Kile Wygle of Ohio probably thought to himself until he failed by crashing that shit near his house. Because he wasn’t driving one of those car things, Kile probably thought he outsmarted the po pop and wouldn’t get in trouble. So he called 911, because he kind of fucked himself up when he crashed.

The Smoking Gun says that when the cops arrived, Kile pointed to his homemade hillbilly ride and said he wrecked his bar stool. Kile also admitted that he could go around 40mph on the thing if he wanted to, but was only going 20 when he ate it. Kile failed a bunch of sobriety tests and told the cops he had a lot of booze in his body. He was arrested and charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license.

Kile deserves to get the stool thrown at him in court! And the stool shoved up him in jail, because when the cops started giving his bar stool mobile the side-eye, he should’ve known something was up. That’s when he should’ve slowly backed away from his contraption and said, “Um. Did I say that was mine? Yeah, I’m kind of cloudy in the head from falling and all. I’ve never seen that before in my life. The bar stool isn’t mine!” He needs to watch more Cops!

Kile also needs to take this shit to the next level. Fuck the motorized bar stool! Build me a motorized bar….and a motorized bed….and a motorized toilet, so I never have to walk again!