Bethenny on The Real Housewives of NYC doesn’t have to worry about fucking up by not introducing LuAnn de Lameass as The Countess, because the dumb bitch might be losing her Count! It makes sense since he is really fucking OLD (read that with crazy Ramona eyes).
Page Six says that Countess LuMann’s husband is over in Geneva bumping it with a Nubian Princess from Ethiopia and it’s true true love. Some source (*cough*Ramona*cough*) said Luann got an e-mail from him saying that he didn’t want to be with her snobby ass anymore, because he found himself a new piece. Um, obviously, The Count didn’t get an advanced copy of Luann’s book on manners, because if he did, he would’ve read that it’s not proper etiquette to dump your haggard fourth wife through an e-mail. It’s not proper, but it’s really fucking funny.
What’s the correct fork to use to stick it in her, because this ho is done!
The Count and Countess have been married for 16 years and they have two kids together. He’s been living in Europe for some time now, but The Countess never thought he would drop the Big D on her. LuAnn’s spokesbitch (aka Rosie) issued this statement: “It is obviously a very difficult time for the countess and count, but they plan to remain friends and their primary focus will be to do what is best for their two children.”
Friends also say that LuAnn is not giving up the title. Oh fuck, she’s really not. She’s going to keep her greasy paws on that title and never let go. She’s going to get up in court and pull a Tina Turner by saying, “I only want my NAME!” And then she’ll go on to say, “And a few million dollars, so I can continue drinking beer out of glasses.”
Oh, LuMann will always be The CUNTess to me.
And this is why I love Wikipedia. Some bitch has already altered her page. LuAnn should use this shit as her bio in her book Class with the Discountess:
LuAnn de Lesseps, a former Wilhelmina Model, is a trained nurse, and a member of the Algonquin tribe of Connecticut. She is the fourth wife of Count Alexandre de Lesseps, a descendant of Ferdinand de Lesseps of the Suez Canal family. He is cheating on her and they will be divorced within the year.