Robert Pattinson Knows How To Use A Sponge

March 29, 2009 / Posted by:

Robert Pattinson wants everyone to know that his dick isn’t covered in butter, his asshole isn’t caked over in jelly and that his magical forest mop doesn’t need to be featured on How Clean Is Your House? anytime soon, because he takes a bar of soap to his ass regularly.

Last week, there was a little story going around that whores on the set of New Moon were dry heaving, because Robert smells like a dried-up menstrual berry baking in the August sun. Robert says that shit is all made of lies, because he hasn’t even been on the set yet.

The vampire with sparkly fangs went on to say, “I just want to know whoever’s saying negative stuff, and I just want to remember their names. I write it all down in my black book.”

Black book? Well, Robert, I’ve been saying some dirty naughty things about you, so add me to that book. I’ve been fucking bad, so write my name down with a THICK Sharpie. Also add that I like my hair yanked, my nalgas pinched and donut french toast with chocolate syrup in the morning.

VIA Showbiz Spy

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