RuPaul’s Drag Race: Ay Loca!

March 24, 2009 / Posted by:

RuPaul’s Drag Race is over! Just when I was starting to compile my daily vocabulary (i.e. – Cameroooon and Extra-va-ganzaaaa) from that show, it goes away.

Whenever I watched it, it really felt like I was in church, because of that damn frosty effect on everything. Ru straight up looks like she was beaming in from heaven. It was like a religious experience. I wanted to throw holy water on my forehead and nibble on those bland ass Communion wafers they made me eat during service. Seriously, can’t they put some Lawry’s on those wafers?

Anyway, it came down to Bebe Zahara Benet, Nina Flowers and that other one. I can’t even with her. Rebecca Glasscock needed to take her “I’m not here to make friends” act to America’s Next Top Model, because that shit wasn’t amusing. Yes, bitch has a face that Papa Knowles would kill to whore out in a House of Dereon ad, but Rebecca could never compete with the Queen of Cameroon and Nina Loca. Did you see that trick’s outfit in the finale?! Rebecca was tardy to the party in an outfit that should only be worn on the ho stroll. When wearing shit like that, the only sentence that should come out of your mouth is, “$20 for a blow, $30 for a lay.” It was pretty damn priceless when Ru told Rebecca to sashay away. Happy Ass Drag Queen to Angry Ass Drag Queen in 2 seconds flat! Rebecca stepped on the bitch pedal and didn’t let go. Even her kitchen ass wig frowned.

Bebe and Nina Loca were left to battle it out in a lip-synch showdown. Now, I’d sell tamales in the back of a pick-up truck on the beaches of Ensenada (I’ve really done that) with Nina Loca any day, but Bebe crashed the runway with her lip-synch extra-va-ganzaaaaa! Doves cried, died and came back to life again to die for a second time. When Bebe got on the floor, so did I. She scares the shit out of me! I don’t know whether to hiss at her or blow her an air kiss. And is it just me or does Nina Loca kind of look like the tranny first cousin of Billy the puppet from Saw?

In the end, Camaroooon prevailed and Bebe won a glittery crown, a box of sunglasses and some other shit. Nina Loca ended up winning viewers’ choice during the reunion show. Which leads me to Ru giving Dlisted a little titatty tickle.

Ru asked Tammie Brown what she thought about being named Hot Slut of the Day. Tammie, wearing some Tammy Faye Bakker shit, wasn’t pleased with that shit! Tammie says I could have used a different word, because she’s not a slut! Who does she think she is?! Phoebe Price? There can only be one Hot Babe. Besides, it’s not like I mean she’s pulling a Blohan and scrounging back alleys for any asshole to suck on. It’s just my way of saying that I’d tag team a dick with herany day. Yeah, I gave Tammie a side-eye for a second, but she had me back on her side when she got into a bitch fight with Ru.

Below is a clip of cunt battle royale between the judges and both Shannel (who should really headline The Real Housewives of Las Vegas) and Tammie Brown. Ru gets all Ty Ty Banks on Tammie after she accused the judges of being so fucking negative. Tammie goes on to say, “You call called me losers and I don’t see you out there walking children in nature.” What the fuck does that even mean?! It doesn’t matter. I’m copy and pasting that shit to the inside of my brain, because it’s a keeper. Walking children in nature?! THE FUCK?! Hell, I’m going to miss this shit. Til next season! Now I have to go walk some fucking children in nature!

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